POSITIVE THINKING

Achieving Life Balance

 

Most of us have things in our lives we want to do, as well as those things we have to do. Perhaps you want to go to the gym more often, or you want to read more books this year. Like most of us, do you find yourself wishing you had more time to pursue the things you want to do as well as the things you need to do?

 

Whilst time management is important to achieving these goals, some other steps must precede it. As you define these steps, preferably using a journal to keep track of what you discover about yourself, they will help you achieve that work and life balance that will enable you to do those things you want to do and achieve at this point in your life.

 

1.      List Your Goals

 

All of us have goals that change regularly and that reflect other things going on in our life at the time. List your goals and prioritize them from important to least important. Include not only the goals you have to achieve, but  also the personal goals you want to achieve.

 

2.     List Your Daily Schedule

 

Although we want more time in the day, all of us have 24 hours. We use some of these hours for sleep and some of these for work and recreation purposes. List down your daily schedule and include the things you must do because they are a commitment. This may include work commitments or school sport commitments with the children.

 

3.     Prioritize Your Personal Goals with Equal Priority as Work Related Goals

 

Don’t minimize the time available to do the things you want to do, particularly if they are contributing to your life goals or wellbeing. Include family time and other essential life activities that require your time and attention.

 

Keep to the Schedule unless in an Emergency

 

Most people who create a daily schedule, keep to it for a while, but not long enough for it to become a habit. Habits take around 3 weeks to form, so if you want your new approach to work and lifestyle to be maintained, you must protect it at all costs. If you want to achieve your own personal goals, you must protect them at all costs. Eventually, the changes you implement will become second nature, but until then, you need to stay in control of your time management.

 

 

Anticipating and Preparing for Change and Stressful Situations to Minimize Distress

 

All of us face change in our life. Sometimes we love it, look forward to it and enjoy the preparations that are involved in making it happen. On other occasions, change can be very distressing. Usually occurring without warning, we are usually unprepared for it. We can feel quite disorientated when change is unexpected and it can produce physical reactions we may feel we have little control over.

 

Facing unplanned change with a prepared mind helps to re orientate life even when it seems to be out of our control. If we accept that change is inevitable, we see the sense in thinking about and preparing to deal with it well ahead of when it actually happens. It also helps us reflect on how we will deal with our responses when faced with stress and change.

 

Taking the time to plan and prepare for change is not inviting fate, but facing reality People who work in occupations that involve dealing with sudden unexpected emergencies, are in a state of readiness at all times. They learn to anticipate all possible scenarios by learning how to deal with them before they occur. They learn how to prevent the situation or minimize its harm, and they learn to enact certain actions when these events do occur.

 

We gain valuable insight into how to prepare for change by learning how to apply their approaches to potential change and stressful situations. We prepare for change, or potential stresses in three ways: Firstly, the higher the risk of something happening, the more we should anticipate it likely to happen. People living in areas where there is a high risk of a natural disaster occurring, prepare for its inevitably, by preparing their surroundings each year and psychologically being ready for it. 

 

Contrary to people may think, being psychologically prepared for change is possible. Although it is impossible to know what it will be like to face being a parent for example, we can prepare ourselves by reading and identifying possible areas of concern we may personally face in our new parenting role.

 

Thirdly, we can learn to manage our responses and thoughts in times of minor changes and challenge. As we do this, we are providing ourselves with invaluable training. Learning how to deal with the many minor challenges and changes we face daily, will help us to develop the skills to deal with the unexpected major ones.

 

 

The Importance of Active Listening

 

Do you find yourself misunderstanding what your spouse or work colleague say to you? Do you find yourself questioning your responses to them? Most people hear others speaking to them, but most of the time our interactions are not focused and we may listen to people speak, without truly hearing what they want to say to us. Learning how to listen is a skill that helps us to clear our mind of thoughts and behaviors that may interrupt our ability to hear what the other person is trying to say, rather than what we think they are saying. 

 

Learning how to listen to people around us is also a journey of self-discovery. Instead of responding to people’s comments and thoughts as a reaction, we take the time to understand what they are saying and in thinking about how their words are impacting us, we are identifying  the natural way  react to people’s words and think about how we would prefer to react to them.

 

We can then develop and practice self-control techniques, to assist us to respond more appropriately to anything people may say to us.

 

You may have heard active listening referred to as reflective listening. It involves listening to others around us talk to us and taking time out to ensure we understand their words and the meanings behind those words. We ask questions like “so you mean this.” to reflect back to the person what we think they said. We use words like “I feel angry when you say that” rather than lashing out in anger and using a “you” phrase like “you always do this.”

 

Our focus is not on the words spoken but on the person speaking and what they meant by their words. This way of listening can take some getting used to, but once we learn this skill will change the way we relate to people and interact with them, and learn about ourselves in the process.

 

If you sometimes feel misunderstood when you are talking to people, you probably have an understanding of the importance of really being heard and not just listened to. As we begin to practice active listening, you will soon learn the phrases and body languages that you personally find difficult to deal with. You will develop important techniques and qualities that enable you to remain in control of your thoughts and emotions when having discussions with others.

The Importance of Conflict Resolution that Validates the Other Person’s Perspective

 

Most people approach differences of opinions with other people attempting to defend their point of view. Our intention may be to defend our personal position, but most people view our defensive stance as attacking their viewpoint. It can create confrontation and easily leads to interpersonal issues with the other person. This approach to conflict resolution creates many avoidable arguments in the work place and home.

 

So how can we present our point of view without creating this reaction in people? The key is to learn to see the situation from the other’s point of view and address it from within their viewpoint as well as from our own. We can still express our thoughts and feelings about a situation using this approach, but it usually produces a very different outcome. 

 

This technique is an excellent way to approach all communication, whether with family, friends, work colleagues or strangers. We learn to express our thoughts, concerns and ideas and even disagree with others, but acknowledge verbally and through our body language, that the other person has the right to their opinions and thoughts about the issue causing the disagreement.

 

This approach maintains a relationship between two people that acknowledges that no one position is more valid than another’s views, perspectives or thoughts.. This does not mean that both ideas are equally valid, but conveys the understanding that the other person has a right to the thoughts or opinions about the situation causing the disagreement. This approach values the relationship and validates the person, whilst not necessarily validating the problem or the suggested solution.

 

There is an old saying that states, “you will never know another person until you first walk in their shoes.” Trying to approach and diffuse a situation from their perspective enables us to walk in their shoes in the situation. It changes the “I want” statements, which presents the issue from our perspective to the “I know you feel this way and can understand why you do, but may I present another idea or show you why that idea is not the best one.”

 

As we learn and apply this technique in our lives, it becomes obvious we have gained insight into an extremely important life lesson that validates and maintains relationships, even if we don’t agree with the other person. It helps us to approach potential conflict situations in a non-confrontational way that promotes discussion and resolution.

 

 

 

You Are Worth It!

 

Do you sometimes feel like you are a work in progress?  Do you feel the drive to keep improving yourself and then find yourself in a spiral of despair because you just never feel like you measure up? For many people, this is their reality. Research has shown that this may be one of the most common causes of weight gain and emotional eating disorders. 

 

All of us need to find freedom from the cycle that we are imperfect .While we all have room to grow and develop; the most freeing of all realities about ourselves that we need to absorb and accept is that we are a unique and beautiful human being. There is no one quite like us on this earth and there never will be. Once we accept this for ourselves, we can then look for ways to make the good in us better. Without this perspective, we will constantly strive to find some self-acceptance and won’t move much beyond this point in our life.

 

An old African proverb reminds us that if we don’t have any enemies inside us, then no external enemies can cause us harm or hurt. Have you noticed when things are going well on the inside and you are feeling secure and happy with life, things that go wrong in your life don’t seem to be so bad, but when you are feeling bad about your self, things are so different. The world seems to take on a much darker feeling and it’s more difficult to cope when things are not going right?

 

Learning to love yourself and to appreciate the uniqueness you are is often the first stage of learning how to control your weight, feel confident in studying or changing careers, or learning a new hobby. Many of the things we procrastinate over that are for our own benefit and enrichment are often the things we don’t do, because perhaps deep inside we don’t think we are good enough or worthy enough to do these things for ourselves. 

 

Challenge those thoughts and starting tomorrow - Choose one thing you want to do for you. - Because guess what, you are worth it! Most people have to battle the self-talk and rarely say anything nice about themselves. Try looking in the mirror when you wake up and tell your reflection what you would tell your best friend... You are worth it!